Ready to check your skill on this simple test ...click link below and scroll down slowly ...
http://ho-emily.com/pages/banana.html
enjoy ...
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Paradox of our Time
by the late George Carlin
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less senses; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and hollow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose to either share this insight, or to just hit delete.
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less senses; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and hollow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose to either share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Gender of Birds
Which of the two birds is a female?
Study them closely and see if you can spot which of the two is the female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. You have to come to your own conclusion basing on your own life's experience!Answer 1: The bird on the LEFT who remains silent is NOT the female bird.
Answer 2: If the birds were young birds, then the one on the RIGHT is probably female. But if they were old birds (like us) then the one on the RIGHT is the male - since old males are more quarrelsome and talk a lot.
Answer 3: Usually the female of the species is the larger ...... so you guess which is the female bird?
Don't forget that the female praying mantis devours the male after mating.
Answer 4: The bird on the LEFT seems to look resigned. The one on the RIGHT may have started the nagging again.
Gender of Computer
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine - "la maison". "Pencil", however, is masculine - "le crayon".
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer"), because:
1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2) The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval and
4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(hold on your chuckling guys ... this gets better!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computer should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2) They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time THEY are the problem.
4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won!
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer should be a masculine or feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer"), because:
1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2) The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval and
4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(hold on your chuckling guys ... this gets better!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computer should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2) They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time THEY are the problem.
4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won!
Chinese + English = Chinglish
Can you construct sentences using numeric and English.
Here is one example ...
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1
This is what he came up with ...
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep.
But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down.
The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.
I ran until I fell 6 and threw up.
So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him.
Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him.
10 goodness he ran away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven.
Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6.
He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down.
I don't understand.
I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Here is one example ...
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1
This is what he came up with ...
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep.
But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down.
The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.
I ran until I fell 6 and threw up.
So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him.
Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him.
10 goodness he ran away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven.
Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6.
He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down.
I don't understand.
I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
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